Thank you everyone for your replies and support. There's plenty I want to talk about, but I need to get rid of this headache first. Just wanted to say that I'm alive, not feeling the worst I've ever felt, just more dejected from losing the battle last night. Anyways, hopefully after this run it will clear my head a bit.
In no way am I quitting this journey, now that I got a taste of the good life for couple days, there is no way in heck I want to do this to myself again. I don't get why anyone in their right mind would want to feel like this. Now I know why the cycle continues, because the only thing I can think right now is to drink more to get rid of the hangover. I think I spent the last year completely sedated. Amazing the contrast between Saturday morning and Sunday morning. Saturday I felt like I could do anything in the world, this morning I felt like a degenerate druggie.
Oh well, can't do anything about it now but carry on.
I'll read and respond to some of the replies later when it doesn't hurt my head to look at the computer screen. I can write a novel over all the different aspects of what happened last night. It's absolutely crazy how our mind and body works. But no excuses, I made the decisions, there is no evil me that controls me, there is just me.
So I'm alive, I'm alright... looking forward to not drinking anything today and trying to get that Saturday feeling back again tomorrow. Thanks for the support!! There were so many thoughts going through my head last night to lie to you guys and cover it up as if nothing happened. Then I realized that would be completely useless and the truth will set me free. It is hard to admit failure, but if I lie to you guys I'm just lying to myself.
I'll be back later!