Originally Posted by
Albatross3 
I have been lurking here for months. I need to stop, have almost lost everything and lately its as if I don't care / want to loose everything so I can truely hit rock bottom.
Has anyone experienced a feeling of complete apathy as if you are standing on the sidelines watching yourself go down and just can't get it going despite the fact you have the means to stop the fall? I mean really, its as if I have lost the "fight" of the "fight or flight" response....
BTW, I am on my second chance, went to rehab before, got sober for almost a year, life got great and then...BAMM derailed like a thief in the night.
It's almost like a feeling that you want to get all the alcohol you possibly can in you before you start that very hard journey to sobriety. I tend to always drink the most when I plan on stopping for some reason. It's like people who want to start a diet... they binge eat like food won't exist tomorrow. Then the next day you convince yourself that you have one more day, and then the next day, you do the same, and eventually it's been a year or multiple years of nonstop drinking.