Albatross3

I have been lurking here for months. I need to stop, have almost lost everything and lately its as if I don't care / want to loose everything so I can truely hit rock bottom.

Has anyone experienced a feeling of complete apathy as if you are standing on the sidelines watching yourself go down and just can't get it going despite the fact you have the means to stop the fall? I mean really, its as if I have lost the "fight" of the "fight or flight" response....

BTW, I am on my second chance, went to rehab before, got sober for almost a year, life got great and then...BAMM derailed like a thief in the night.

Anna

I'm glad you posted.

I know that by the end of my drinking days, I was very depressed and really didn't care about much of anything. I think I was overwhelmed at the thought of stopping drinking and all it would entail.

Take the leap of faith and stop tonight. You've done it before and you can do it again. Your mood will likely improve as each day of sobriety comes along.

pauladmits

It's almost like a feeling that you want to get all the alcohol you possibly can in you before you start that very hard journey to sobriety. I tend to always drink the most when I plan on stopping for some reason. It's like people who want to start a diet... they binge eat like food won't exist tomorrow. Then the next day you convince yourself that you have one more day, and then the next day, you do the same, and eventually it's been a year or multiple years of nonstop drinking.

Dee74

Hi albatross - I think fear can be manifested as apathy, or paralysis...and looking at quitting drinking can be pretty scary....

But you're not alone here - there's a ton of support - I really encourage you to make the leap - I don't think you'll be sorry you did

Welcome to SR

D

artsoul

I definitely felt that way at the end of my drinking. I was just barely getting through the day..... anything that required more energy/motivation seemed impossible.

It took me a few months of lurking to build up the courage to even think about getting sober but once I did, things started turning around right away.

Welcome to our community, Albatross!

Fernaceman

I think you know what needs to be done. You've been lurking here, which says you relate to a lot of what others think.

No one says it will be easy by any means, but as I've been told, if I put only HALF as much effort into my recovery as I did into my using, I could surely come out the other end much happier.

Welcome to the journey, again! You've done it before so you know you can do it. Draw a line in the sand. The past is the past, and no amount of thinking or analyzing will change it. Just move forward in a positive manner.

"Do the next right thing." Cliche, yes, however it is extremely valid.

Hevyn

Welcome Albatross. I did the same thing in the end - you're not alone. I had 3 yrs. sober once, and I'll still never understand why I jeopardized that, but I did. 7 yrs. later I found SR and got myself straightened out again.

The time I've spent here has been invaluable. I've had such great company. So much hope, encouragement, and love has been shared here. I couldn't do without this place - I hope you'll find it as helpful as I have. We're so glad you found us.

Albatross3

I thank you all for your responses. SR reaches many more than those who post here!

crewisms

A warm welcome Albatross. I've been around that block you described a few times. I'm relatively new here in SR, but it sure has turned my life toward a new and beautiful direction. Hang around and you'll feel support, love and some incredible wisdom along the way. Having dragged along below that surface of the alcoholic river for a decade or two, there was always a rocky bottom around every corner, each one deeper than the last.

Tonight might be a good night to head down that sober path again?

Albatross3

Thanks Dee. I believe your right... fear, apathy, paralysis. That pretty much sums up my emotions lately.

Jitterbugg

I was fully aware I was spiraling to rock-bottom and I didn't care. I needed to be bankrupted and essentially homeless before I could really say 'enough is enough'. When I had no money, no job, and was forced to move back to my parents at 34 yrs old, I was ready for help...I literally had no other choice. I'm still not sure why I was so apathetic.

keepfinding2

Hey man,

It happens. It just seems like you need to find that core that works for you. I wish you the best of luck.