My RASTBexH was a sweet guy. We were in love.
His family has the bad alcohol gene, but I did not know that. He didn't know to what degree.
He was going through what I thought was the normal college, then post college drinking.
But, then...when everyone else sort of settled down and got into real life, he did not.
He stayed out all the time, partying, partying.
I think one of the biggest signs that alcohol has progressed past a bad point is when it is not really that fun for the person anymore.
It got like this for him, then for me, and then for his family, having to deal with him.
It started to be that everytime he drank, there was a noticeable point at which the drunk would 'turn'. For some people this turn is about blacking out, or even passing out. FOr others it can be the point where they go from having a few drinks or beers to becoming mean, saying ugly things.
The progression for him was not that slow, and the turn started to happen, then did not stop. He no longer was ever drinking for 'fun' or for an occassion, but because he needed it, and every day was the occassion.
He was in denial, then became resigned and was plain and forceful about his need for the drug.
I don't know anyone who was a problem drinker, who started to daily or several day a week drink who did not progress into an unmanageable state.
Many keep jobs, and many remain functional, but their inner lives and their family lives become stunted or strained. They are now under the influence EVEN when not physically drunk, because everything is about the need.
ANd there is no discrimination, either, meaning my AH and his uncles are your obviously mean drunks, but my sister was a teacher, nurse, and all around pillar of her community. She started to drink for fun, then relaxation, then it became need, and it also became a secret.
She went from having drinks at happy hour with the gang to chugging beers in the morning before wrok, to stay steady.
She is sober 4 years, and she still struggles.
There is also brain damage, or wet brain that can occur. Each time a person blacks out or loses time, their brain is actually deprived of oxygen to a certain degree. It is not lethal, but enough to stunt the memory mechanism.
It's actually pretty scary stuff.