I'm really sorry ladybug - I really hope your daughter shows up soon.
I have a similar family attitude - things that definitely did happen never happened...I've learned that, whatever the reason - denial, coping mechanism, shame - it's the way my family deals (or doesn't deal) with stuff.
I try not to let that stress me out these days.
I'm an adult and I like the way I think and how I run my life & deal with my problems.
Everyone has an opinion. I don't have to let those opinions bother me.
D