As Ex's alcoholism progressed, there was less and less "normal". In the beginning I tried to enjoy the normal times, days taking the kids to the park or museum or just going for a walk. Then it came to be that the time between these "normal" days got longer and longer and the chaos in between made me so resentful. I couldn't trust "normal" days because I knew it wouldn't last, and I was so angry because I somehow felt that if he could be normal for a day or a weekend, why couldn't we have a "normal" life?
And then the guilt. He was so used to me being so happy on the good days and so grateful for them. I almost think he felt like the one good day made the weeks of hell better. And once I got to where I couldn't enjoy them, he would resent me for not rewarding him for his sober happy day.
It was a terrible cycle. Now that I am out of it I can see it better. ((hugs)) to you. Stay strong.