Good to see some old friends and some new faces.
I think what's really bothering me is I may be facing some realities that I haven't wanted to face. M1 mentioned this in his reply and I remember reading here a long time ago that even when the A gets sober and things chill in that department, the person finds out that they still don't like whats left.
The other part that I can't figure out is the instinct/gut perception. I know what you're all saying and at one point I paid close attention that part. These days, knowing what I've gone through, I simply have to wonder if I'm still shell shocked by everything. I still wonder if it's just something that needs more healing and more time.
I also know there are triggers or events that crop up and the only memories I have are negative. We've only been married for 4 years. If I include the pregnancy I've only known her as a sober person for a generous 2 years. It's hard to work through those old triggers when everything is basically normal now.
I have to wonder and perhaps fantasize that what we're going through now follows the old saying that the second year of the marriage is the hardest. I don't want to dilute my reality but I've still been a hopeful person. It's not like I'm giving her a clean plate.
All that said, I guess there's comfort knowing that the crazy still runs wild on occassion and that's okay so long as I see it coming and get off the cycle.
I've been reading a few posts and yet again, I'm amazed at how the paths we all walk are very similar. It doesn't matter when we entered the arena, the stories are the same.