Welcome Bride2be! Good on ya for having the courage to post your feelings and your story. I'm on the West coast and going to sleep, but please know that you'll find a tremendous amount of love, wisdom and support here in SR. The first step is acknowledging where you are. You've done that. How beautiful is that! It will take a little patience, but hang around here to see how you might find some help. Love and a huge hug for you!