I came to SR to learn about addiction because I was still thinking it was all him, all his fault. Remove the pills, life would be great again...was still my thinking.
I was full of shame, fear and guilt. I still believed if he really loved me......
What I found was...lots of mind blowing information about addiction, I was not alone, what I was experiencing - wasn't that abnormal for being involved with an addict. I was not crazy or weak but I was very unhealthy.
He was not the only problem. I had lost my true self...trying to save him. I lived in a FOG (fear, obligation and guilt). I needed to have self care and start putting the focus back on me. These things had become foreign to me. I certainly have not been an A student but I am trying...which is still very new for me.
Also, I found hope and inspiration. I have seen such growth (Windmills, awesome job) and I am determined to grow too. I want to be healthy, strong and independent again...with or without him.
Lastly, I think at times, I have spent too much time on SR (for me) instead of reading my books and/or attending a meeting. I like the "social" part of a forum. I have gotten caught up in other posters problems. Its still part of my codependency issues. Also, in the past, I have used the intenet as a form of escape and I am working on this with my therapist. But for now, if I am learning positives steps to work on my recovery, I am ok with it.