I joined this site at the beginning of 2011 when I was still with my STBXH as I was desperately looking for some hope in the midst of all the insanity I was living in.
None of my normie friends were in this type of situation and 95% of them could not understand the horrors I was putting myself through. What my STBXH was doing to himself and our marriage was unfathomable. I felt a deep shame and so alone that I searched online to find some solace. Thank God for SR!
I read voraciously through both of the alcohol and substance forums morning and night and started to post my story... (I felt it was like a diary but with supportive friends who would comment on them). At times I was infuriated at responses I found to be cold and callous and shot back scathing remarks to soothe myself. I felt I was already living in a hell in real life, I didnt need to also get additional grief from total strangers on a site that was suppose to help me in my time of need.
It took me almost a year to finally "get it" for myself. I feel that "tough love" from those who were seasoned veterans esp. at the beginning of my journey threw me into a bigger depression so I stepped away for a while. I then came back )
(thank goodness) and continued on MY path of recovery despite what others said or didn't say. It helped me get some thicker skin, allowed me to forgive others (and myself) for being human and taught me we are ALL here for the same reason: to find answers. The findings will most likely be not what we want, but rather what we need to survive and eventually thrive.
I thank everyone (tough lovers and wonderful supporters alike). Though sometimes I still see threads that get under my skin, I try not to engage in the anger from the postings. I'm flawed however and have put my foot in it a few times by defending others, its really teaching me some valuable lessons for this forum and real life.
I feel that this site is needed as a crutch in our darkest hours - to read others stories... To know we are not alone. I am with a poster above and also don't wish this crap on anyone so no I'm not comforted by others tragic stories. I do however see that though I lived through my own hell, there are those who fair far worse and I
pray and send good vibes their way. Helped me to stop wallowing in my own muck and start appreciating what I do have in my life.
With my STBXH out of my life, I don't come on here very much anymore but always come in for a refresher when I'm feeling sorry for myself. Well, although he's physically out of my life, he's reared his addictive head a few times since Nov which has resulted in me calling the police on him and having a harassment warning issued at him. He still tries to email me once in a while but I ignore these and come on here for affirmation that I am still on the right path and getting better and stronger in my resolve to divorce as soon as possible (and being happy about it!).
Never in a million years did I ever think I'd get here and it really is because of SR and the people here (everyone) is the reason where I am today.
Thanks SR peeps!