Just saw this after I posted... And what you say about dealing with your narcissist ex and having to cut friends loose who couldn't or wouldn't set boundaries with him is PRECISELY what I'm finding with my "friend".
I think that no matter what I do I will be written off as an ungrateful b**ch who should have appreciated how thoughtful and kind he tried to be. At least I am over thinking I can be painted as anything but that by him. I just don't want the headache of having to deal with staying away from my own house OR cleaning up his mess when people do show up.
I think I'll email my family and best friend and say "here's what I have heard" and tell them clearly what I want and don't want and remind them of a few facts of late with AH. Gee, remeber this is the man who had me arrested and I spent a night in jail bc of it?! How anyone can think that there's anything sincere about an alleged party being planned in beyond me.... But then again, codie/sick me would have probably argued a year ago that he felt bad for all that he'd done and this was his way to show me he cared. My best friend is in a bad bad marriage and makes excuses for her H just like she does about AH. I've kind of gotten the sense for a while now that she thinks I am "too hard" on AH. Evidently because she lets her H beat her up and always takes him back that's what I should do too?
Sorry- that's a separate rant!
And yes, call is in to the lawyer!
Originally Posted by
Florence 
Wow. This one is over the top. Seriously, this gives me the willies.
6) Call your lawyer. Like, now!
7) The manipulative b**** method: Surely there's someone on the guest list (assuming this is a real thing) that you can talk to other than your friend or the ex. I'd give them a call and ask whether they'd been invited to your house for a birthday celebration. If not, no big, how are you and the kids. If so, act all perturbed about what your ex is up to, since you're getting a divorce and all and aren't even on speaking terms. Make sure to use the words "creepy" and "weird" a lot. Mention that he seems a little "off" lately.
Okay, use #7 at your own risk.
In dealing with my narcissist ex, I eventually had to write off a lot of friends/frenemies who were more than willing, for whatever reason, to do his dirty work for him, or were so soft in their boundaries that they'd let him walk all over them and do his dirty work out of fear and neglect.