I appreciate you being blunt. I didnt come to this site to be babied.
The ex is threatening to take me back to court no matter what I do. If I stay, its because I am with a drunk. If I leave, its because im not stable, and will have to live in the ghetto again (had to as a single mom not getting child support in order to afford it all). I cant win no matter what I do with both of them.
I dont want to leave of course, but I am coming to the point where I think that will be all that works, I have started to accept that. I just finished school and am waiting to take my final test that has to be set up by the instructor. I got behind a semester because I had thyroid cancer and was not allowed to do my clinical hours. "To dangerous" but I did stay in lecture. School cant afford to pay the rep to come for one student so I have to wait till the next class finishes, kwim. When I have taken that, I will be able to get a job making enough to maintain our current lifestyle by myself. Then the ex cant say anything. He could just be tossing empty threats (which is like him, always has been) but I take those threats seriously and at this time I cant afford a lawyer, he can. Trying my best to CYA with him.
When I have a drink, it is to calm me enough to sleep. My brain is driving me CRAZY! I need my mind to just stop for a bit. I take care of everything. And work and/or am in school CONSTANTLY. I have finally reached my max with everything. I have even got on anti anxiety meds and have been suffering from "stress induced" ice pick headaches that effect the entire left side of my face. Thats why I came here. If I can just get understanding support I may not drive myself so crazy. The lortab was my "I have to do something, anything for myself" moment. *** Just to clarify!!! The lortab was during one of his bs nights. It was purchased from my brother, dont know where he gets it. It was 2 pills! I took one that night and one that morning. The last time before that was almost a year ago when my thyroid was taken out and it took me 6 months to use a 30 day supply. I am not a pill popper but this time had nothing to do with pain, hence me seeing a problem. Just wanted that claryfied.***
He is special... smdh. This last time was because he "had a bad day at work" Really??? Try working 80 hour weeks for months straight, do homework, and still manage 90% of the home stuff before you complain!!! stfu. You dont deserve your cookie for your "hard" 6 hour shift. Oh my goodness, my blood is already boiling!
lol A really good toy! Per Beth! lmao, they are better most of the time anyway right! Damn hormones! I just want to use him cause he is warmer and hid all the toys but then all those love emotions come in despite my fighting them. Olive branch subsequensly extended... smdh
Originally Posted by
wicked 
Hi JellyBean,
I am sorry you are feeling exhausted and alone. You are going to get exactly what you are getting if something doesn't change. He will continue to drink because neither one of you believes the "va counseling" would work. You don't seem to have any help for yourself because AlAnon does not agree with you. I am a recovering alcoholic with children, and I was in the Army for nine years. He refuses inpatient, and marriage counseling. He is so special there is nothing for him, so he MUST drink because that is all he can do. Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? I am sorry, I am gonna be blunt too. Both of you adults with 3 children to take care of, but neither one of you is doing a damn thing to get better for those kids.
And, you are kidding yourselves if you think those kids do not know something is wrong.
I was raised by an alcoholic Army officer. When I was 7 or 8 I was asking my mother what the problem was, and she would tell me "oh beth, it's nothing." So I was raised to doubt my gut telling me something, and that has led to quite a few stupid decisions.
Two bad marriages that failed. I did not listen to my guts screaming at me not to do it.
Your ex is threatening to take the kids? I think you should take that very seriously.
My sister and ex husband decided I should not have my son, and I didn't have him from 4 years old to 16 years old when his father died and the new wife wanted to get rid of him.
If your husband is not going to do anything, then you better get to work on yourself. For one thing, stop drinking. Right now. Get counseling for yourself if Mr. I am too special" cannot get it together long enough to go. You say you love him, you can't afford to leave him, and the ex is threatening to take the kids.
change your thoughts around, 1. You love your kids and want them to stay with you. 2.) that is being threatened by your drunk husband. 3.) Get help and take care of yourself and let him handle his own problems, because that is what grown men do.
As far as getting horny, well, there are plenty of ways to take care of that too, that does not involve a drunk breathing their stink all over you when you just showered.
Get a battery operated boyfriend. Always ready. Never drunk.
Sorry for the bluntness,
Beth
PS I am on your side and the kids. Really. :ghug3