Hi JellyBean,
I am sorry you are feeling exhausted and alone. You are going to get exactly what you are getting if something doesn't change. He will continue to drink because neither one of you believes the "va counseling" would work. You don't seem to have any help for yourself because AlAnon does not agree with you. I am a recovering alcoholic with children, and I was in the Army for nine years. He refuses inpatient, and marriage counseling. He is so special there is nothing for him, so he MUST drink because that is all he can do. Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? I am sorry, I am gonna be blunt too. Both of you adults with 3 children to take care of, but neither one of you is doing a damn thing to get better for those kids.
And, you are kidding yourselves if you think those kids do not know something is wrong.
I was raised by an alcoholic Army officer. When I was 7 or 8 I was asking my mother what the problem was, and she would tell me "oh beth, it's nothing." So I was raised to doubt my gut telling me something, and that has led to quite a few stupid decisions.
Two bad marriages that failed. I did not listen to my guts screaming at me not to do it.
Your ex is threatening to take the kids? I think you should take that very seriously.
My sister and ex husband decided I should not have my son, and I didn't have him from 4 years old to 16 years old when his father died and the new wife wanted to get rid of him.
If your husband is not going to do anything, then you better get to work on yourself. For one thing, stop drinking. Right now. Get counseling for yourself if Mr. I am too special" cannot get it together long enough to go. You say you love him, you can't afford to leave him, and the ex is threatening to take the kids.
change your thoughts around, 1. You love your kids and want them to stay with you. 2.) that is being threatened by your drunk husband. 3.) Get help and take care of yourself and let him handle his own problems, because that is what grown men do.
As far as getting horny, well, there are plenty of ways to take care of that too, that does not involve a drunk breathing their stink all over you when you just showered.
Get a battery operated boyfriend. Always ready. Never drunk.
Sorry for the bluntness,
Beth
PS I am on your side and the kids. Really. :ghug3