Don't know where to even start
Hello.
I am new here. I've been creeping for the last few months but I just really would like to talk to people who understand and can give legit advice on my situation. At the very least, understanding. My husband is an alcoholic. Big surprise right?? His drinking has caused a host of other issues. He doesn't drink daily but when he does drink it becomes a 24-48 hr disapearence and sometimes 100+ dollars. This happens weekly to monthly. It has lead to our bills being behind, him being unable to finish school, not being able to hold down a job other then his enabling **** job, my ex threatening to take me back to court for custody of our kids, and has got our families at each others throats. His mom and I disagree on how to handle his drinking because we disagree on why he drinks. Hell, the last month, I have been started drinking more myself (once a week buzz to slow my mind to sleep after the kids go to bed. Not drunk, just to clarity, I have multiple gut issues and end up sick before I ever get "drunk") just to deal with it and am ashamed to admit I bought lortab on the street to calm myself one day. I usually DON'T drink. I have to much to do to not be clear minded. When he does drink, I usually GPS his phone, find his car, and take the battery out. I am a medic and have seen the devastation drinking ad driving has caused. I couldn't live with myself if I allowed that to happen despite everyone advising me to let him get caught. He has been caught before but the army got him out of it... Then we usually argue for a week after he finally decides to come home. It last until another empty attempt to "get help" from him or honestly, I get horny... Sorry, I am a bit blunt. We have done good at hiding it from the kids (ages 8, 9 [my kids] and 3 [ours together) but they are not stupid.
I have been to al-anon and don't understand it and don't agree with what I do understand. He "tried" aa but just stopped going. He refuses inpatient because he "doesn't drink everyday". He has gone to veteran counseling but I don't think that works because he had this issue before he went to Iraq so I think the wrong approach is being taken. Same story with marriage counseling. He refuses to pay for traditional, non va help. he cant take any of the anabuse type pills because he works around different forms of alcohol. *sigh* Every time he pulls his **** its a different excuse as to why.
I am just lost and don't know what to do anymore. Leaving isn't an option for several reasons. 1) I love him 2) even if I wanted to, I cant yet afford it 3) the ex threatens to take me back to court for that to and so on. I am kinda getting sick of people even recommending that. When I can, trust me, I will. I'm starting to think that is the only thing that may work, only thing I haven't tried. Either it'll work or he will kill himself drinking.
Sorry this is long. I am just so mind-****** right now and as the title says, don't even know where to start...
Beyond lost, exhausted, and frustrated