It sounds to me like you're heading in the right direction. Your children will survive a divorce far better than they will survive the chaos of being involved in the life of an addict. As Kindeyes said, FOG is their tool and they use it with dexterity. Mine used it to keep me hanging on and now is using to hold me away. EVERYTHING is my fault and he was so unfairly treated... From what I have seen and read a successful recovery is not possible without the addict/alcoholic being willing to take on responsibility for not only their present life but also the consequences of their previous actions.