Farfalla

Hi everyone.
Well much has happened so I am sorry for not posting sooner but I have been reading everyday.
I have a permanent restraining order against my AH. I was granted full custody of our minor child and he has court supervised visitation with no contact via text or phone to my minor child.
Fast forward...
Two days after permanent restraining order was granted he violated order. He was arrested and released after posting full cash bail.
Fast forward...
My AH claims to be 21days clean. He has a 27year history of drug abuse with a brief rehab stent in November (15days - 9 of which detox). He has contacted my adult child on many occassions with the manipulation tactics even as recent as yesterday. Tactics such as "your mother doesn't love me anymore", etc. When he doesn't get his way or response he needed to hear his actions and words become hostile. He "may" be clean 21 days, which I doubt, but by all means he is not sober. He doesn't work a recovery program on a daily basis. He is working his own program. I however continue to work my program, f2f meetings, therapy, CAL reading, working step four, working with a sponsor, reaching out to my fellowship between meetings, etc. All I can do is work on me and provide the necessary support for both my children, get them the support services they need. My AH doesn't understand I have a restraining order for a reason. My AH doesn't understand I will not speak to him unless he is 90days clean and sober. He has this idea in his head that in 90 days I am moving back to our marital home and that simply is not what I foresee in my future. For today I know I can't go back and live in the toxicity of addiction. My scars from being hurt run so deep. I may eventually forgive him for the past hurts but I am not there yet and even when I do forgive I don't know I want to go back into a relationship. I held on for so long to an idea of what I wanted and tried to force my relationship with him to be just that but it never was. I don't know him. I never knew him. He was using our entire marriage. I don't know him clean or sober.
I am sorry for rambling. I am trying to get my thoughts out and hope someone will respond with support. I guess I need encouragement I am doing the right thing. I feel very sad for my AH. He tries to make me feel guilty for leaving but in reality it is and was his behavior and actions that caused me to leave. The betrayal and lies for so long felt like more than I could bare. I felt trapped beyond believe because I feared I could not survive without him. I am finding anger some times. The anger I hope is coming from the realization I did not nor do I deserve to be lied to or cheated on. I deserve better even if better is just simply being by myself. I am worth more. I worry how my children will take a divorce if that is what is to come of my relationship. I guess all I can do is continue to surround them with love and continue to get them the help from these rooms, the rooms of Naranon/Alanon and Alateen and therapy. My AH still blames. He blames everyone else for his actions, "I did this because you did that". We, as a family take a back seat to his addiction. If he enters recovery, we will take a back seat to his recovery. I am a mother and everything else in my life is secondary. I have to protect, to teach accepatable behavior and my children will know I was strong enough to endure.
Please, please give me words of encouragement and/or support. I am grieving.
Hugs to you all.