Been a while.....
It has been a while since I posted.
I have spent a lot of time reading posts. Some days I can read them and truly understand and others I cannot read yet another day one post.
I have had way more success than failure over the last two weeks. That's good I guess.
At the core of me is still a lingering issue.... Self worth. I struggle with the idea that sobriety can be something good. It's damn scary if you ask me. I keep wanting to run like a little boy back to the bottle where it is safe. Where I can understand the rules.
I live a rather solitary life. No family that cares about me. Not complaining... It makes my Christmas shopping easy. But it is the source of my devaluation of myself.
Sobriety in its very nature means you have to care more for yourself than not. That scale has tipped in both directions many times. Today it tips on the not so good side.
I know... Be a man and pick yourself up. Stand tall. Stop complaining. Stop being a victim.
Ok..... I will.