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Old 06-06-2012, 05:07 AM   #1 (permalink)
A simple guy making his way
 
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Been a while.....


It has been a while since I posted.

I have spent a lot of time reading posts. Some days I can read them and truly understand and others I cannot read yet another day one post.

I have had way more success than failure over the last two weeks. That's good I guess.

At the core of me is still a lingering issue.... Self worth. I struggle with the idea that sobriety can be something good. It's damn scary if you ask me. I keep wanting to run like a little boy back to the bottle where it is safe. Where I can understand the rules.

I live a rather solitary life. No family that cares about me. Not complaining... It makes my Christmas shopping easy. But it is the source of my devaluation of myself.

Sobriety in its very nature means you have to care more for yourself than not. That scale has tipped in both directions many times. Today it tips on the not so good side.

I know... Be a man and pick yourself up. Stand tall. Stop complaining. Stop being a victim.

Ok..... I will.
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Old 06-06-2012, 05:15 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I didn't care for myself very much when I quit - that came later.
But I knew I didn't want to die - and I knew I could do more with my life.

I overthought things for many years Ken - yes recovery is scary, but I reckon so is the thought of living the hell we go through as drinkers...and knowing it's guaranteed to get worse.

You know what the rational, 'good' choice is....put your money on that choice.

Go through the actions of getting and staying sober - even if you're not entirely convinced yet...I guarantee your heart and mind will follow

Have faith, man
D
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Old 06-06-2012, 05:21 AM   #3 (permalink)
A simple guy making his way
 
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Dee ... How does one man get to be wise?

You seem to have such the perspective that you manage to single handedly support so many here.

I understand what you are saying. I have no intention of giving up. But there are days like today that my faith gets questioned. By myself of course.

There is not time to sit and wallow. But sometimes the pain is greater than I want to deal with.

Again. I will get through it. I will.

Thanks.
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Old 06-06-2012, 05:29 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I made a heck of a lot of mistakes
LOL.

It really is a leap of faith...and the curious thing was when I made that leap I found I'd left a lot of my pain behind....

For someone who'd virtually defined themselves by their pain for years, that was a big realisation...

D
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Old 06-06-2012, 05:40 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Dee makes a great point ... the idea of sobriety is definitely a scary one, but the thought of where we are all headed if we DON'T get sober is much, much scarier. At least in sobriety, we have the potential to become/do great things. As active drunks, the only potential we have is for a variety of devastation and chaos, ultimately leading to death.

I had a bad day earlier this week, Weasel, and I totally get where you're coming from. I admit the thought of a drink crossed my mind ... but that's all it did. It crossed my mind and then it left. For me, that was huge progress.

Our self worth - or lack of it - is the reason a lot of us drank. But I think a whole lot more of myself now that I'm sober. When I was drinking, the despair was huge ... and so was the self-loathing. I may not totally love myself but I'm getting there. If I'd kept drinking I know I would have lost ALL sense of self.

As long as you don't drink, Weasel, you have the potential to develop self worth and self esteem. A sober alcoholic has the whole world in front of him to make his own.
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Old 06-06-2012, 05:43 AM   #6 (permalink)
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nice to see another LIer. you're a few stops down the LIRR line from me.
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Old 06-06-2012, 05:54 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Weasel1966, I have only been at recovery for 23 years. most of my AA buddies are over 30 yrs... I'm the "newbie".

We are all struggling with daily life to some degree. My lack of self-worth came partly from the fact that I didn't do worthy things.

Getting "dry" is stopping putting the bottle in your mouth. Getting sober is a life changing process.
I believe what AA says. There is no cure but there is "a daily reprieve contingent upon the maintenance of my spiritual condition" working the 12 Steps. YMMV.

Shortly after I came into AA there was a very respected oldtimer who was celebrating 35 yrs sober...... I wanted what he had BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO PUT IN THE 35 YEARS TO GET IT, know what I mean ?? ......

Do your daily work and you will be rewarded.
When I quit "keeping score" about how God was working in my life and analyzing everything..... life got a whole lot easier.

All the best.

Bob R
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Old 06-06-2012, 06:03 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Hi Weasal,
The only way to see clearly is to stop drinking and that in Itself will give you a better perspective on life.
I hope you find the strength and purpose to keep going. Yes and looking after yourself is integral to recovery.
All the best
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Old 06-06-2012, 08:29 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Sobriety is scary, but it beats the flippin alternative of being bound to the bottle immeasureably.
As newly recovering, I learn something about myself everyday. I'm becoming and behaving like a person I actually kinda like. My level of tolerance is increasing and my overall demeanor reflects a person who is less worried and shameful. I feel much more manageable in so many ways. Why? The poison has left the building! Hang in there, Weasel - onward and upward - you can do it!!
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Old 06-06-2012, 08:35 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Sobriety is not the panacea for every ill, but for the person plagued by alcohol's many problems, it is a good place to start.

Good luck.
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Old 06-06-2012, 09:19 AM   #11 (permalink)
is ☞ optimistic.
 
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Hi Weasel

Gaining better self-worth is aquired by learning and practicing new skills...at least that how I'm working it.

Maybe have a look at some of these links below. They are recover and life skills tools that can help you...if your interested that is. No matter what, keep moving forward the absolutely best you can, it can get better. It has for me as someone that once had woeful self-worth all through my life in active addiction.
SOS Recovery and LifeRing Recovery
SMART Tools and SMART Articles
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Addiction Recovery Tools from cbtrecovery.com
DBT Life Skills For Emotional Health Great tools for maintaining sobriety as well.(from dbtselfhelp.com/index.html)
Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction. By Jack Trimpey. (Google book preview including the Addiction Voice Recognition Technique or the AVRT)]
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Old 06-06-2012, 09:30 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Thanks zen cat.

What's funny is I had to put down my book to check the board. I put down the rational recovery AVRT book. I am on chapter 3. Taking it slow so I can absorbe the information.

I will also look at the others you sent.

I seem to get more out of the AVRT method. But how ever we get there huh?


And thanks to everyone who posted support. Just woke up very low today. I thought it best to not sit on those feelings but to share them. Not give negativity any extra power.

Starting to feel better. I have a 4 day weekend. I do not feel the usual threat of drinking with so much time. Instead I have a list of those things drinking never let me do.

Going to look through old photos. Try to remember the person I was at those times. Need to purge some old ways of thinking and that should help.

My very best to you all!

Ken
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