glad ya see alcohol is the problem. i remember admitting i was an alcoholic when i was drinking, but couldnt figure out why i couldnt stop. welp, come to find out it was because i really didnty know what it meant to be an alocholic.
the day after my last drunk( to date), i had the 4 horsemen sittin in front of me. i was told what i had done and said the night before and my then fiance said," get out!! get the f*** out!!!"
i didnt argue. i packed up some clothes and left. i had then fully admitted that alcohol was the problem. i knew i had to do something about it, didnt know what to do, but knew that everything i had done before to stop drinking didnt work, so i narrowed my choices down to 2: go to AA or kill myself. i chose AA. i was full of fear. fear of the unknown! i had no clue what it was like to be sober( started drinking at 14 nd was 36 at the time) or how to even live. all i was realy doin when drinking was existing.
so here i sit tonight, free from the craving, compulsion, and obsession to drink. i am a friggin miracle and you can be too!! not gonna say AA can be the way for ya, but it worked for me and millions of other worthless, useless, and hopeless drunks!
prayers yer way!