Welcome Todd. I can relate, too. It's so frightening when we first think of letting go, even though we know it's slowly killing us. We've used it for so long, for so many reasons. To feel social, to kill pain, to relax & have fun. Yet in the end, there's no fun left in it - there's no relaxing - abusing alcohol creates terrible anxiety & self-doubt. All the reasons we enjoyed it are gone, and they're not coming back.
I drank my whole life, but I now have over 4 yrs. sober. I promise you, there is life after booze. You don't need it the way you think you do - and it's no friend to you. It's tearing your life apart, ruining your health and sanity. You can stop the progression of this devastating disease and have a new life. Please don't give up on yourself - give sobriety a try.