Payton
Over the last few weeks, I've read everything you have written to the May group. Through your introspection of your current habits and your history (to which you are the only primary witness to ALL of it) it was clear to you that you have a problem with drinking. It's your mind, your body and your life. I SO respect the strength that you have shown. Your commitment to your health and well being and to your daughter has been so positive and impressive - and you have withstood your doubts and challenges for the past weeks and returned as sure as ever of your resolve when the urge has passed.
It's odd, but I think that given the upending that you've described of your lives over the last couple of years (finances, home, relocation, young child) I think your husband wants to assert that everything is 'fine', That your little family unit is "normal".
When one person makes a change in a small group (family, circle of friends etc) the dynamic is that other member want to pull them back to the way things were. They resist because they want to keep things the way things were because it serves them in some way...he wants things to stay the same. maybe he likes a role as caretaker for you when you are tipsy or your less inhibited behavior...who knows.
Your husband doesn't have the alcohol dependency problem, but if he insists on not respecting your evaluation of YOURSELF and decision for YOURSELF, then he has other problems: he has control issues, he is not listening to you and he is being extremely thoughtless and selfish (in my opinion).
I understand when you say that you have continued to not tell him the whole of your thought process and the extent to which you have committed to abstinence. You can see that he is "not getting it" and you are still not sure if you want to share more details of what you have held back so that he might get it.
I say F-that! You don't have to prove this to him. YOU have decided not to drink. Does he question your judgement on all of your personal habits (that really don't need his approval?) Would he want you to eat meat if you chose to be a vegetarian or vegan? How would he respond if you suddenly started questioning his decisions that don't effect you?
I hope HE doesn't choose to continue to behave this way. If he does and it escalates into conflict on your anniversary that is also too bad, but it is HIS ISSUE, not yours. You should not be guilted, charmed or convinced that what he thinks is best for you is more important than what you have decided.
We care for you Payton. It's clear that you have the brains and the backbone to stand up for yourself. Best of luck
GingerBeer
Seeing clearly since May 7, 2012