GA,
Well written and well said, even in your weakened state you still appear to "get it" and use humor well to deflect what you already know to be true.
What do you really miss?? It can not be the drinking, because you are still partaking. Is it the feeling that it gave you were on "top" is it the retrospection of that feeling of being in complete control, no matter the situation, no fear of any situation? Is it being the most popular guy a the bar and receiving the all the attention and what you thought to be admiration of others?
I went from the shot giving me courage to the mumbles also so much so I used to joke that I was fluent in Mandarin Chinese, had the expense account, as Jimmy Buffet said "I made enough money to buy Miami and pissed it away so fast"
It became a job to just be "me" and I was getting sick and tired of playing the part.
So I stopped it wasn't easy but I am so much better off than I was. I did not lose a thing and gained a ton.
Best of luck,
You post brought many memories both good and bad and for that I thank you,