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The Rich Poor

Old 06-03-2012, 05:58 PM
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Grievous Angel
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Post The Rich Poor

As poor people go, I am rich. I was once genuinely rich, with an excellent job, 2 homes, 3 cars and a beautiful family. Sales, and finance, is tailor-made for a drinker. No back went un-slapped, no joke missed a laugh, I never failed to pick up the check. I was truly one of the high rollers.

Until it turned. Every laugh I once got from booze turned into an awkward silence. That story that never failed, failed. Every shot that once gave me courage now gave me the mumbles. But I did not not give up on drinking. No, I gave it every chance I could, until I found myself in my current straits.

I am the rich poor. Through sheer oversight, I did not manage to blow through every single penny I had. It was not for lack of trying. My once mighty portfolio now generates exactly 749.00 every month. This is lot of money in many parts of the world. In the town I live in, it is barely a decent hotel.

I live in a garage. I am grateful to have it. I costs me 200.00 a month. The landlord, a friend if a friend, does not know I often sleep here. Are relic of the 30's, it has a very old toilet and a microscopic sink. I keep my clothes here - despite my penury, I still have some very nice suits. Perhaps some day I will need them again.

I have memorized every single Starbucks within 5 miles. If you are reasonably dressed and are carrying a Starbucks cup, no one questions you. I can always score a New York Times if I watch carefully. I am not above casually flicking it over a half-eaten breakfast or a bagel, though Starbucks is not the place for food. I prefer Quigley's, where it is crowded, the portions are huge, and it is easy to move in on a basket of un-eaten French fries, or even a burger. Women leave the most food. Men often feel compelled to finish.

I sub at a catering company as often as I can. While there is plenty of left-over food, I have no refrigerator, and it is impractical to take more than a day's worth. What it is good for is alcohol. While they watch the un opened bottles very carefully, once a bottle is opened, it's considered sold. I am a master at helpfully clearing the used bottles, empty, near empty, or half empty. I pour the wine into a 64 oz. canteen I keep in my backback. Between this, and whatever I guzzle on the job, I usually go home with a buzz.

Yet I am made for greater things. I have a degree in finance; I am, or was, a master at sales. I can stop drinking, and do, for weeks at a time. I got a job selling at the Kia dealership. I did well, until Rufus, the sales manager, took me out to celebrate my first sale. Only one of us made it to work the next day.

I am writing this at Starbucks - they close in 4 minutes. On the morrow, I will stay sober.

-GA
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Old 06-03-2012, 06:13 PM
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Be encouraged. I am hoping that you will have everything that you dream of.
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Old 06-03-2012, 06:23 PM
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Choosing Life
 
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Grievous, I'm sure you're smarting right now but I want you to know how much this post has helped me, and I hope you won't mind if I print it out for my husband ... because you are describing him to a TEE. He owns his own business, is very successful ... we live very, very well. My greatest fear is that he is going to drink it all away. Like you, he's always picking up tabs at the bar, loaning money to people who never pay it back, and spending a vast fortune on alcohol, buying expensive toys that he doesn't need. The more pickled he gets, the worse I fear that he will end up being unable to function and it will all come crashing down ... not just on him, but on me and our two boys as well.

I am wishing you all the best in your sobriety as well as in your life in general. You seem like a thoughtful, intelligent man who really wants to get things right. Please come here as often as you feel you need to ... we will do our best to help and support you.
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Old 06-03-2012, 08:51 PM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
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Since I quit drinking....I have slowly slid down the comfortable financial
ladder ...I may be pocketbook poor however...I'm spirtually enriched...

hope things improve soon for you...Welcome back..
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Old 06-04-2012, 08:12 AM
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GA,

Well written and well said, even in your weakened state you still appear to "get it" and use humor well to deflect what you already know to be true.

What do you really miss?? It can not be the drinking, because you are still partaking. Is it the feeling that it gave you were on "top" is it the retrospection of that feeling of being in complete control, no matter the situation, no fear of any situation? Is it being the most popular guy a the bar and receiving the all the attention and what you thought to be admiration of others?

I went from the shot giving me courage to the mumbles also so much so I used to joke that I was fluent in Mandarin Chinese, had the expense account, as Jimmy Buffet said "I made enough money to buy Miami and pissed it away so fast"

It became a job to just be "me" and I was getting sick and tired of playing the part.

So I stopped it wasn't easy but I am so much better off than I was. I did not lose a thing and gained a ton.

Best of luck,

You post brought many memories both good and bad and for that I thank you,
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Old 06-04-2012, 08:37 AM
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~sb
 
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Maybe find an AA meeting and start hanging out there. Maybe you will find the strength to stop drinking. That is when you will truly become rich-on the inside. Your life can start again.....

Love & hugs,
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Old 06-04-2012, 09:00 AM
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Grievous, I love the way you write, even though your message is so sad.

I hope you will keep posting, because I like reading you. I also truly get your Rich/Poor message. I was once a 1%-er, and since then I've made and lost and made plenty. Funny how it all goes, and has not much at all to do with who we are.

very best wishes --
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Old 06-04-2012, 03:09 PM
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Thank you for sharing....sorry you are experiencing hardshiip due to drinking. Glad you are here at SR. You deserve a life of recovery I hope you believe that too. Being sober can help you recover your life and soul. Have you considered AA
as additional support?
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Old 06-05-2012, 08:11 PM
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Is this a story from your past?
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Old 06-06-2012, 05:47 PM
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Thank you for sharing so eloquently your story. You know you can beat this. If you can get your sobriety you may realize you don't need a lot of money. Sometimes just simple living and sobriety can make one rich. Keep posting and coming here for encouragement.
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Old 06-06-2012, 06:16 PM
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Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
 
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Welcome back to SR GreviousAngel.

You may be in a tight fix now but it can get worse, much worse if the drinking continues. Don't pick up that first drink no matter what. You can reclaim your former life if the economy allows or at least a much better station in life than the one you are in now...sober. Hope to see more post by you and keep working at sobriety.
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Old 06-07-2012, 02:11 AM
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I saw from your other posts that you are a good writer. It may not be important, but I was wondering if this a true story? Like I said, it might not be important fo anyone here. We can enjoy the stories just the same. As long as no one takes the wrong message from your posts about hw to cope with recovery.
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Old 06-15-2012, 08:20 PM
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Grievous Angel
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Post The 99%

It is 99% true. Everything piece I have posted is true, or was at once point in my life. But I have have children, and, perhaps, an overweening sense of pride; I now live in a smallish town, and do not wish to become known for my demons. Astoundingly, no one has figured me out. To my acquaintances, when they meet me, I am semi-retired. Perhaps I live in an apartment, or I still have one of the houses I owned on Fifth street in my salad days.

I once wrote: If you are of a certain age, and read one of the big 5 newspapers, you read some of my material.

I breathe each day, some more than others.

-GA
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Old 06-16-2012, 08:46 AM
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So GA, what do you want? Simply to write and reminisce? Because the greatest description of a sunset does not come close to an actual sunset. And the most important memories are the ones that haven't been made yet.

Do you want support, maybe some advice, or just readers? You're a lovely writer, but there's nothing romantic about alcoholism. It's not bittersweet. it's just bitter and sad.
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Old 06-16-2012, 07:00 PM
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Good for you for being thankful for what you have!!!
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Old 06-17-2012, 12:10 AM
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Hope you find a way to the future you want.
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Old 06-21-2012, 06:18 AM
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Grievous Angel
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Post Today I will:

Not meet up with old friends at Finnegan's
Not go to work catering
Meet one person who could useful finding a job
Send a resume
Go to the gym. No sense wasting that $20/month coupon
Not drink.

-GA
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Old 06-22-2012, 05:32 PM
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Powerful writing--thank you for sharing and wishing all the best for you.
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