Not Sure What to Do
I'm sure many of you have asked this before, but...
My 59 year old mother developed a drinking problem about 6 years ago. She is not to the point where she needs alcohol to function every day, nor does she consume it in the mornings, etc, but she uses it to dull whatever is going on in her warped mind. She'll go for periods of time where she's fine, and then she has an incident. She cannot control herself when she has a drink, and she cannot tell me the reason WHY she drinks. I believe that it started after the death of her sister in 2004 -I do not believe she ever dealt with her grief. My sister and I are out of the house, have been for many years, and do not live close by. I know that this upsets her because for 31 years, her only purpose in life has been to be our mother. She cannot handle the fact that we are not her "babies" anymore. However, she drinks even when she is with us, so I don't know what to do. She has halfheartedly tried therapy, but she's too weak-minded to stick with it, and blames the psychologist when it doesn't work out. My father can't exactly commit her against her will, so that's not an option.
For awhile, it seemed like she was getting better, but then she had another incident when she was visiting my sister and I. We contacted a friend of hers who is a nurse, who I had hoped would be able to point her in the right direction. My mother claims that she and the friend talk every day, and that she is going to AA meetings, but I do not believe that is enough. While AA is a good thing, it is not therapy, and she needs to get a handle on WHY she started drinking in the first place or she will not get better. She doesn't seem to get this. She's not herself anymore to the point where I don't want to talk to her. It scares and worries me because she's older and not taking care of herself, and doesn't seem to get just how damaging alcohol is to your body from constant use. I think it's completely changed her brain chemistry. I'm not married, even at 31, and although it makes me sad to think she could possibly not be around for my wedding, sometimes I feel like I wish she were just gone. I know that's a horrible thing to say, but this has been going on for too long now. I am in the middle of a career change (going for a second Masters and everything), my life is very stressful right now, and I do not need this anymore. And all the while, she just thinks I am an ungrateful daughter, which makes it worse.
I know that I can't change her, I know that only she can change her behavior, but this cannot go on anymore. I can't stomach the thought of cutting her completely out of my life, because it's not like she was always like this. My parents almost never had alcohol in the house when we were growing up - it only started showing up in the house when my sister and I were both of legal drinking age and we were home for holidays. I see so many posts on here from people who seem to hate their parents, their parents are horrible people, always have been, always will be, but my mother wasn't and I want to wish that she won't be.