Of course we will read your posts, look how many I got and these GREAT people have not kicked me out yet
I hope your heart keeps healing. This too shall pass. Honestly, it will, you are taking the steps to get there by Alanon and counseling.
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I went out with an active alcoholic and thought "perhaps if he hadn't found someone else" "perhaps he was not really an alcoholic" "perhaps if he got sober everything would be fine" and I have read all the different scenarios get you the same heartache. There is no way to "win".. alcoholism is horrible, after so many years I can only imagine how much this hurts. Perhaps this pain transforms to gratitude for the good times lived? that is how I feel nowadays.
Hugs, let us know how you are feeling.