I have known my ah for 11 years. We have been married for 5 of them. When I met him he told me that he was a recovering alcoholic (and until now he had been for 26 years).
After he got sober (through AA), he went back to school for this degree and his masters. In social work. He worked at drug rehab places, etc. I thought wow -this man has truly addressed his problems
His previous home life was not that stellar (family issues) but I believe that people can overcome that.
Fast forward to about 6 months ago. And while I realize nothing happens overnight, and there were signs I did not see then. He started getting "more" moody ( as all alcoholics have depression I have learned, in some form or fashion). He was more angry...more opionionated...etc. And he started talking about drinking, well more wistfully wishing he could. At that point I said he probably needed to go back to AA. Nope...that was not going to happen. (He had stopped going to AA meetings about 5 years into the program).
I have been told that it only takes one drink for an alcoholic to be a drunk. I was told right. Drinking, lying (which used to be his most wonderful quality he did not lie...I hope). Binging, apologizing, binging again. (oh, and going to AA meetings so he could say he was working his program) All of this happened in 6 months. Because once you have been an alcoholic if you go back, you tend to go right back to where you were when you stopped.
During this time he decided he was going through a 'mid life crisis'. I guess that meant, you know I don't want to be married...to you...and I want to be able to do what I want (drink and whatever). So 3 weeks ago, he went out and didn't come home. He appeared at 3pm the next day...new car had supposedly been "broken into"....and he would not tell anyone what happened. Mental anguish he called it.
I did not mention that he also has been perscribed Ambien, Zanax and countless other meds by a well known psychiatrist.
He told me that he was unhappy and wanted a divorce.
I am going to Al-Anon (which showed me I am not totally crazy) and found a therapist (which is helping me not to implode from the hurt and pain). And I read every book, article, etc to help me figure this whole thing out.
What I am learning that no matter how much I cry...no matter how much I pray....I cannot change the current situation. This sucks. But I am a "fixer" which is what we all learn to be. Someone once told me....garbage in...garbage out. You can only stuff so much anger, resentment, etc inside before it comes out.
This is the first time since this has happened I have written it all down. Even if no one reads it, it has helped.
