Back, would like support, but I am still with him
Hi all... back in November, this site was such a help to me and I put together 40+ days sober. Had a bad incident with my abusive husband, and I have fallen apart/fallen off the wagon since then. I've been afraid to come back here because I am still with H -- I know what everyone will say about leaving him, which I haven't done. I isolated myself even more, and went back to my old "friend," booze.
Maybe I need to take one fence at a time. I think getting sober would be the first thing before I try to decide how to proceed with my life. I'm really alone.
The situation has stabilized and I am not in danger. I know how to navigate around him to not cause him anger. I fall back on alcohol to 1) escape the feelings of loneliness and 2) to make myself "bad" enough to keep staying.
I drank pretty much all day today, and want to stop now.
I feel like a loser.
thank you for listening.