The last time I posted here, three years ago, I was waiting for smoke to clear and time to pass. There is always an opportunity to live better, to make amends, to rediscover a sense of love and gratitude for yourself. Ultimately, it is your life and your choice. We'll be here when you feel ready, strong or weak.
I like SMART recovery with a combo of personal stories, info on addiction, and support from close friends. Good luck, and remember that your struggles and situation are not unique. We can all learn from one another.