(((confusiongal))) - Welcome to SR, though I'm sorry for what has brought you here. I'm both a recovering addict (RA) and have loved ones who are, or were, still active in addiction/alcoholism (A).
I can only tell you what helped ME find recovery, for both my addiction and my codepency (thinking I could "fix" stuff for my loved ones). I had to hit bottom..lose a good career, spend time on the streets, time in jail, etc.
In all honesty, beating my crack addiction has been easier (not easy, but easier) than my codie (codependency) recovery. My loved ones told me they loved me, but they let me dig a really deep hole and find my own way out of it. I've got over 5 years in recovery and am STILL dealing with consequences, but it's made me appreciate my recovery any more.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy