You are going to beat this thing and turn it around, EXM6. I can hear it in your posts. I can hear it in the way you share with us the love you have for your daughter. You do need to grieve the alcohol in a way. It's like your ex. You need to grieve him even though he sounds very toxic to you. I recommend you read Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp. This very subject is pretty much the gist of the book.