You're not alone. I'm going through the same thing, sitting here with my painful thoughts. My ABF walked out 2 days ago and will be back to pack his things today. It's hard not to be thinking: how could he do this? How could he just walk out leaving me with this house to deal with, these bills to pay. I know he's quite excited about ditching his responsibilities, looking forward to being able to have some fun without me looking on, the witness. It hurts like hell that I'm disposable.
I'm trying so hard to believe that this is the best thing for me but I also can't believe this is happening. He told me it wouldn't after all... ha!
I hope you're hanging in there. It has to get better than this, right?