trying out the site
Sorry about the long post.
I am 21, which I know is young and I've only had a few months of legal drinking. But the truth is I don't think I've gone more than a few days without binge drinking since I was about 17. I started getting drunk, really drunk at around 13 or 14, and steadily picked up speed. It's to the point now where I drink 8 to 12 beers a night. I am just tired of feeling like crap. I am not sure if I am an alcoholic or not. I do know that I often give in to drinking after telling myself that I am going to "take a break."
I am an overwhelming negative person, and drinking tends to enhance my mood and social interactions. I always wake up the next day at around 1pm feeling horrible and say to myself, "that was embarrassing...that's it, no more for a while. I have to stop this." and then it is right back to the store at like 8 buying a 12 pack or a couple of 40s. I guess I do have a problem. I have a very addictive personality whether it be alcohol, coke(in my late teens), or the attention of my fiance.
I guess I just wanted to find some anonymous help. I am keeping this secret from my family and fiance, and the truth is I just can't fathom admitting to everyone that I have a problem because I don't wish to appear weak. I should be able to drink socially like everyone else. I know that it is common for people my age to dabble in excess, I mean hey, College right? But the truth is I am afraid of further developing into a full on drinking machine. Like I said its already been a few years of heavy drinking, and to put things into perspective, I am 5' 11" and only 125 lbs, rarely eat, and can put away a 5th of whiskey in a few hours. I know that typically my peers would brag about that, but I don't want it anymore.
I am really going to try and see what a sober life is like. Since I've never seriously tried, I hope it'll be easy and not prove that I really am addicted.
Anyway, HI.