I have been with my AH for 31 years every since I was 15 and I use to think what if as well and sometimes still do the truth is he will use if your with him and if you not until he is ready to quit. He manipulates you by saying he needs you that is his way of holding on to you so he can have his cake and eat it as well.
You have no control over his choices only your choices what IF ?
What if you stay and he gets violent and you end up dead where would that leave your kids? What if you stay with him and keep enabling him and your kids think drug use is OK?
I am saying that as a parent who thought my hubby was smoking pot and I could deal with that then he threw in pills and alcohol mixture.
One of our sons overdosed in our home and I had to do CPR trust me I have though what if many times. My what if then was what if I had left and gotten my kids out of that environment would I be looking at my son, on a breathing tube?
What if you start working on a recovery program for you?
Nar-Anon, Family Anon or Al-Anon?