Welcome to SR
It is not so different really but the fact is that more woman reach out for help than men. I don't think there are necessarily more male alcoholics. Woman find it more shameful and men probably walk sooner and try to "fix" less. If and when you find support in the form of a face to face group you will very likely find yourself outnumbered too but that shouldn't stop you.
Personally I applaud you not taking the easy way out. Violence is always the exception, tho. You cannot and should not ever live with violence. I think it is wise to wait until she gets the helps she obviously needs before you jump back in. Even if the cooling off has to be enforced. You are thinking with emotion right now and not reason. Right now you might be having nightmares but it seems to beat sleeping with one eye open.
Make yourself at home here and feel free to share. Where ever she is getting her help may be able to offer you some as well or lead you to it.
The light is always on at SR.
Hugs,
JT