At my first al-anon meeting, I wasn't sure my H was really A. To this moment I'm not 100% but I will completely admit he has a drinking problem. Anyhow, my ah-ha moment was when I heard the chairperson say:
"I realized that I was consumed with worry...then I realized that I worried so much because it was as if it made me feel busy, and if I was busy, I was involved, and if I was involved, I was in control. The last straw was when my daughter came up to me and asked me to play, and I sat there on the couch with my cup of coffee, doing nothing, and snapped 'Can't you see I'm busy?!' "
Her description of the endless worrying - of what specifically, it may not matter -but the worrying and the anxiety, and the wasting of all of our "now" time regretting the past and being anxious of the future, really spoke to me. Also the feelings of guilt, of hearing people say that they just felt that if they said something in the right way, or did something else that was nice, or just "rationalized" with them, that it would be okay.
That's when I realized it was where I should be. Also, hearing people talk about being happy despite their actions - this was huge for me. I had no idea that I was being "dragged down" with my H by his completely irrational and depressing thoughts and behaviors.