This is why I came into AA. It was a week before Christmas and my brother had brought me a beautiful blue spruce. On Saturday night I decided to decorate it. Had given up red wine because it made me drunk (lol) but had two nice bottles of Bordeaux. Hey, it's red and it's Christmas. In the blink of an eye I woke up in Mount Siani Hospital strapped to a gurney, half of my face solid black from a fall. They'd pumped my stomach because I took a large quantity of Valium. I was lucky: a friend tried to reach me but couldn't. He came over and let himself in, called an ambulance.
I was in a blackout and TO THIS DAY I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF!!
The hospital kept me for three days on suicide watch; the psyche ward was full so I was in with regular patients. The woman in the bed next to mine had diabetes. Three times per day doctors came on rounds. "That bed is diabetes and -- pointing to me -- this is pills and alcohol"
Yea, I used to toy with the notion of killing myself too, until, that is, I came so close to dying. That was 20 years ago. I was desperate and went to AA, where I got the support I needed to stay sober. I still go to at least three meetings per week because I'm terrified of killing myself while drunk.
AA says "the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking". I'm an agnostic and my higher power is: GOD = group of drunks. It works.
You are right to be afraid: alcoholism is progressive. For years I was drinking a magnum of wine per day, of course I had a problem. I honestly didn't think it was possible to not drink.