welocme to a place none of us thought we'd be.
i can relate to the excuses. thought a lot of em were original til i got into AA. but there came a point when i didnt need excuses any more. it( being me, the drinking/drugs, and everything about my existance) got a lot worse.
i suggest you find a meeting, go to it, dont be afraid to say you are new and want help, get phone numbers and a copy of the big book of alcoholics anonymous, and start reading it. if you find it is written about you, then i am willing to bet AA will be a great solution for ya! then go to another meeting, then another.sobriety rocks!!! i am living instead of existing and you can too!!! and iffen this ex drunk can do it, you can,too!