update
i havent been around in a while. i actually felt that being here too much was hindering me. i cant explain it. but through some deep soul searching and me wavering up and down and there being more down in that wavering, i have found myself in a 12 step program suited for me. i could probably be in at least 4 different ones, but i am in the one that will hopefully get me out of the chains i have put around me my whole life.
as for my gf. she got her 90 day chip last week. i went down to see her and she is doing amazingly well. she has her ups and downs, has fallen from a pink cloud but is not wavering on her commitment to the program. i feel i witnessed a miracle. she is committed to fixing herself as i am for me. we acknowledge that we love each other in a deep and spiritual way, but that we both have things to fix and with the grace of god things will work out.