stressedwife

While I have been gone from here for a while, I have been doing a lot of reading and thinking on my situation. I think I am in information overload! I have read the codepent book, some parts several times. I've made notes and highlighted things. I am now reading The Verbally Abusive Relationship and learning a lot about my relationship over the years and about myself. I know that I am not responsible for AH's drinking problem. I know that it is a disease. I know that I have enabled it for 30 years as well as enabled his verbal abuse for that long. That is one hump I have to get over! When I think of all those years I was in denial, in another world, all the time I've wasted. And then look at what I've become, who I am now, etc. It's very sad and disheartening. I know the problems I have now are MINE and I have to fix them. I am still guilty of thinking I can do all this on my one...and I can't. I have to get some direction, someone to talk all this out with and help guide me in the right direction.

I have been pretty sick the last week and haven't gone to Alanon or even Curves. Finally have an antibiotic so next week I will get back to my routine. I will go to Alanon on Tuesday and talk to someone there about getting a sponsor. I may also look into seeing a counselor. I just need some help putting all the info I have into perspective. I need to keep telling myself I didn't get here over night, I won't get out over night. I know it will take a lot of hard work but I know I can do it! I have to do it for my own peace of mind and sanity.

Odd but with all I have learned about AH's disease and verbal abuse, I don't hate him...I'm not angry with him....I'm more angry with myself for letting all this happen to me and putting me where I am today.