Been gone for a while.....

Old 05-10-2012, 05:15 AM
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Been gone for a while.....

While I have been gone from here for a while, I have been doing a lot of reading and thinking on my situation. I think I am in information overload! I have read the codepent book, some parts several times. I've made notes and highlighted things. I am now reading The Verbally Abusive Relationship and learning a lot about my relationship over the years and about myself. I know that I am not responsible for AH's drinking problem. I know that it is a disease. I know that I have enabled it for 30 years as well as enabled his verbal abuse for that long. That is one hump I have to get over! When I think of all those years I was in denial, in another world, all the time I've wasted. And then look at what I've become, who I am now, etc. It's very sad and disheartening. I know the problems I have now are MINE and I have to fix them. I am still guilty of thinking I can do all this on my one...and I can't. I have to get some direction, someone to talk all this out with and help guide me in the right direction.

I have been pretty sick the last week and haven't gone to Alanon or even Curves. Finally have an antibiotic so next week I will get back to my routine. I will go to Alanon on Tuesday and talk to someone there about getting a sponsor. I may also look into seeing a counselor. I just need some help putting all the info I have into perspective. I need to keep telling myself I didn't get here over night, I won't get out over night. I know it will take a lot of hard work but I know I can do it! I have to do it for my own peace of mind and sanity.

Odd but with all I have learned about AH's disease and verbal abuse, I don't hate him...I'm not angry with him....I'm more angry with myself for letting all this happen to me and putting me where I am today.
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Old 05-10-2012, 05:22 AM
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Hey girl, nice to see you. Wow you have been doing a lot of work.

Don't beat yourself up, please work on forgiving yourself.

No years are wasted honey, we are all on our own journey.

Healing is happenig and I am so glad to hear you are getting some insight to things.

We are here and you are loved. Katie
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Old 05-10-2012, 06:04 AM
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glad to see you back ~

i can relate to what you are saying ~ once I realized I had options I felt so badly I had not exercised those options earlier in my life but as time went on, as I worked my program and worked thru the steps with my sponsor ~ I realized I was on that journey for a reason - to learn many things and make decisions at exactly the right time according to my HP's plan ~

Keep learning, growing and becoming the YOU that you were always intended to be ~

PINK HUGS,
Rita
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Old 05-10-2012, 06:31 AM
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Thanks all for the words of encouragement! I knew I needed to come back here )
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Old 05-10-2012, 10:32 AM
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StressedWife,

This is a great place to come back too, isn't it. I got busy in life, wasn't around for a few months due to school, work, raising a 2 year old, and basically *hoping* that ABF would just be nice and get some help. That last part, I don't think, is going to happen for some time.

I think it is important to share on SR, get involved, see our story repeated in other's lives to keep us on the right path. When I first started coming around here, I thought I had to make a choice RIGHT NOW, this moment, and got disheartened when I couldn't do that. But, I have come to learn, that everything happens in its own time. As long as we are learning from our experiences and growing stronger inside, then most things take care of themselves.
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