I empathize with your pain and hope you find peace in the latter part of this year. Just think, the next half of your year can go towards working on your own peace and recovery.
I hate to say this but when I read of how you long to smell your XABF breath or taste him again, I thought of my own ABF whom I can't even stand to be within two yards of because to be frank, he ALWAYS smells like beer. Even at work this morning he smelled of last nights beer fest. Ugh.
Good luck to you on your journey. You have completed the first, most difficult step.
Hugs and Love being sent your way!
CS