I think the most curious thing about how you're feeling is that you believe your behavior is more authentic when you're drinking, positive toward everyone else but negative when it comes to your wife. It makes sense that she picks up on that. It's good you're asking questions... are you asking the right ones?
There is one thing I'm certain of, you won't get sober unless YOU want to. And you won't come to that decision without being brutally honest with yourself... Drinking is rarely JUST about drinking.
All the best to you