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Hi, Im new here....question?

Old 05-04-2012, 10:58 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Thanks again, everyone. Many sentances posted rang loud.

I too felt like I was a more genuine, likable person when I was drinking.

Hit home, a bit differently. When I drink, the little amount I do, I know I become someone funner to be around.....except to my wife. So happier go lucky or not, more of a hit of the party or not.....the people who enjoy me more with a little buzz ARE NOT people that will be with me through thick or thin...so I can see now that that is but an excuse.

You see, when I admitted that I had no control over my drinking and finally got sober I was actually making myself stronger.

I understand and, after some soul searching, I agree. Its not shameful to have a problem, its shameful to not face it.....but, and please don't take this as agruementive, but a simple observation....I believe that this idea is one ONLY held by people with drinking problems. No one else will see that. I mean, how many people do you know that announce..."hi, Im a non drinking alcoholic"......I want to quit, but I also do not want to have to go through life hiding the fact that I have a habit...but, i realize this is something I have to come to terms with.

Tell me about it...I'm an alcoholic sousvide...I didn't even get the .1%...And I didn't deserve it....I butchered that marriage and took full responsibility for that. And it took me 10 more years of drinking after she left for me to give up..Admit I was beaten by alcohol and find a solution.

Im sorry for what you went through, and I am happy you overcame it. The thought of that happening to me scares me sheetless. My wife may be demanding, but like a demanding parent or educator, I USUALLY know its for my family's good.

But I can say that the role that drinking has in your life is not normal.

I know, I know......I know........Its useless trying to deny it. Again, even the little I do, its every day.......that CAN'T be normal....its NOT everyone else, its ME.

I had a distortion of reality that I wasn't aware of - a defensive nature.

YES, WAYNE, YES!! I am big time defensive....BUT, only around my WIFE, because she is, in reality, one of the FEW people I really admire and consider better than me in almost every way!!! So,I feel inferior around her, and with a few drinks, that inferiority complex bursts through!!! That is the reason why I AM nicer drunk around most people because I am COMFORTABLE with my position....In fact, when my life wasn't as solid, financially, I remember NOT being as nice......you're right, youre right.

I was a pain once i'd had a drink and could be plain rude to her. I went through the steps of only having a few beers and being extra nice just so that I could continue drinking.

Alfie....THATS me, exactly, right now. My wife has been thrilled with me these past few weeks, again, becasue I think SHE thinks I quit, so I try EXTRA hard to be jovial, to do things around the house.....but, honestly, its just so I can SHOW HER and ME, that its NOT the booze, that I CAN do both..........but....how long can that go on??

The worst feeling in the world was waking up the next morning while the wife was asleep knowing I'd really upset her but remembering no more than that.

OMG.....I can not TELL you how often that has happened. Or wondering IF i did anything wrong....cause I can't remember. ANd, honestly, please believe me...THIS has happened EVEN with as few as 3 or 4 drinks......I must admit THAT scares me a lot. ANd congrats on that long of an abstinence......I would LOVE to get that far...

It is pretty sad when all your wife wants you to do...Is stop drinking.

Youre right....it IS. Its THAT important to me....I really am pathetic. All the other demands she made on me, ones that were 1000 times more involved and unlikely, I met...and this.....this is killing me.

I can remember it being such a great divide between us I almost started hating him for being at home cuz I wanted my fix in private.

Oh yeah......opening the garage door and hoping her car wasnt there, just so I can catch a quick buzz and be "ready" for when she got home....time and time again. Sheez....the likeness is incredible.

Thanks again for all the responses, I could use HUNDREDS right now.....I'll get off now and try to find the BIG BOOK online and start reading it. But, I do have one last question...and I hope NOONE takes this negatively, but its a question I have USED as an excuse not to stop, so here it is:

WHY all the negative reports about AA? The negative websites, the angry stories?? Is it not for everyone?? I am NOT saying i am gonna run to a meeting, but I DON'T want to completely rule this out.....honestly, I am a little worried what my wife would THINK, not SAY, but think. I believe she would SAY "GOOD', but, deep down, is it possible she will look at me NEGATIVELY? Like, if I just quit, that would be great, but IF I made my dependancy PUBLIC, will she be ASHAMED of me??? I know only I can answer that, but that thought RAKES over my mind quite frequently.

Well, thanks again to all, I am touched by the concern and grateful for the advice.
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Old 05-04-2012, 01:10 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Oh, and another thing......(I sure hope I don't turn this into a diary and bore you folks, really)

My main reason for concern is my marriage. HOWEVER, another reason, right up there, that is a big and getting bigger is this.

My business is going full force right now. After YEARS and YEARS of working my butt off,
ALWAYS two full time jobs, and for 4 years 3 JOBS, two full and a part time, in order to TRY and make my wife comfortable (and NOT possesion comfortable, but SAVINGS comfortable. She grew up in a family where SAVINGS for everything, regular, college, retirement, vacation, christmas savings ALL had to be in place.....I didn't grow up like that)honestly trying but failing miserably, I now have a business that provides financially MORE than I ever thought I would make, more than I deserve, really. But we started late in savings and my wife IS STILL TERRIFIED that we will not have enough money to retire. My recurring nightmare is that IF my business goes south (which many do in my line of work) I KNOW that I will NEVER be able to PHYSICALLY........and mentally, really, bounce back with this monkey on my back KILLING...... my work drive after 5 oclock. Staging a comeback, at my age (51), if necessary will take A TON of effort, personal integrity and my old work ethic all of which I don't have right now...one because I am older and two because of my drinking.

I don't know why I keep doubting it.......even with ALL the effort and hard work I put into this biz; how much we suffered getting here, I am JEPORDIZING my ability to do it again if I have to. Im an idiot.....my wife was right all those years. I got a problem.
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Old 05-04-2012, 01:47 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by sousvide View Post
WHY all the negative reports about AA? The negative websites, the angry stories?? Is it not for everyone?? I am NOT saying i am gonna run to a meeting, but I DON'T want to completely rule this out.
I don't know...You don't see much negative feedback from the millions around the world that have gotten and remained sober through AA....Looks like a lot of satisfied customers to me and I'm one of them. And it's free. If you ever figure out why some people can have such a dislike for something that has saved so many lives including mine...Let me know what it is.
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Old 05-04-2012, 02:36 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by sousvide View Post
Oh, and another thing......(I sure hope I don't turn this into a diary and bore you folks, really)

My main reason for concern is my marriage. HOWEVER, another reason, right up there, that is a big and getting bigger is this.

My business is going full force right now. After YEARS and YEARS of working my butt off,
ALWAYS two full time jobs, and for 4 years 3 JOBS, two full and a part time, in order to TRY and make my wife comfortable (and NOT possesion comfortable, but SAVINGS comfortable. She grew up in a family where SAVINGS for everything, regular, college, retirement, vacation, christmas savings ALL had to be in place.....I didn't grow up like that)honestly trying but failing miserably, I now have a business that provides financially MORE than I ever thought I would make, more than I deserve, really. But we started late in savings and my wife IS STILL TERRIFIED that we will not have enough money to retire. My recurring nightmare is that IF my business goes south (which many do in my line of work) I KNOW that I will NEVER be able to PHYSICALLY........and mentally, really, bounce back with this monkey on my back KILLING...... my work drive after 5 oclock. Staging a comeback, at my age (51), if necessary will take A TON of effort, personal integrity and my old work ethic all of which I don't have right now...one because I am older and two because of my drinking.

I don't know why I keep doubting it.......even with ALL the effort and hard work I put into this biz; how much we suffered getting here, I am JEPORDIZING my ability to do it again if I have to. Im an idiot.....my wife was right all those years. I got a problem.
I'll tell you one thing I've learned by not being a slave to alcohol anymore...The peace and happiness I have now is worth so much more than the money I used to have I can't describe it. Get out while you can. Maybe you can have both.
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Old 05-04-2012, 03:00 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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IF I made my dependancy PUBLIC, will she be ASHAMED of me??? I know only I can answer that, but that thought RAKES over my mind quite frequently.
It's funny how we can all think of that...but (I dunno about you) I never gave any thought to the times I was trashed out of my mind in public, embarrassed/mortified my partner, acted like a jerk, or had to have my gf carry me in from to the car....

D
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Old 05-04-2012, 04:10 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Wow! I'm on my 5th day right now. Reading through this thread got me thinking about a lot of things. Mainly, the "hiding". I didn't hide my drinking from my wife, but I did from my kids. They have no clue that I have ever touched a drink of alcohol. In fact, we preach to our kids about the dangers of alcohol and that they should never even experiment with it. Anyway, I got to thinking about how so many nights I would get irritated at my kids if they would stay up late - which would postpone my drinking. I wouldn't say anything mean to them or anything, and I think I would hide the irritation pretty good, but I WAS irritated at my kids for something as innocent as them wanting to stay up and hang out with me and my wife. How freaking pathetic!!! I know there were many times when I was short with them and hurried them off to bed so that I COULD START DRINKING!!! It makes me sad to think about that. I'm grateful that I stumbled onto this site. Thanks to all of you for sharing your stories! I wish you all the best of luck!
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Old 05-04-2012, 04:18 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Wow.....that take BIG huevos to admit......not a pretty picture.

Like the time I babysat for my infant child....and passed out for a few hours. THANK GOD, OH THANK YOU GOD, nothing happened. I NEVER babysat abusing again, but if I was ANY KIND of man THAT would have been the end of USAGE at all.......but it goes on.

I have sooooo much to be ashamed for.....I totally understand how you feel.
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Old 05-04-2012, 07:12 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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I think the most curious thing about how you're feeling is that you believe your behavior is more authentic when you're drinking, positive toward everyone else but negative when it comes to your wife. It makes sense that she picks up on that. It's good you're asking questions... are you asking the right ones?

There is one thing I'm certain of, you won't get sober unless YOU want to. And you won't come to that decision without being brutally honest with yourself... Drinking is rarely JUST about drinking.

All the best to you
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