Hiya. I'm new too - and I can relate to the blackouts, feelings of hopelessness and lack of control. I have lost entire days & nights due to heavy drinking. The funny thing is that I always wake up with a half/nearly full can of beer next to my bed (or wherever I've decided to sleep) even though I can't remember what has happened. My friends and family have often filled me in on my behaviour and I am usually shocked and horrified at myself. There's great support here from what I've seen. I hope you feel better soon, always a light at the end of the tunnel and all that
Feel free to PM me if you want to chat or anything xx