why bother with sobriety
I will not stop until I'm either in the hospital or end up in jail.
Looks like you have your answer right there. Plus, you've come so far. Those urges don't last, and they do diminish in intensity overtime. Do you have a sponsor to call? Meeting to get to? Maybe talking to some folks face to face about it would help.
Also, I would suggest you think in terms of you vs. your addiction. You don't want to drink at all, ever again—and with good reason. Your addiction is trying to convince you otherwise. It is telling you, "Why bother, it's not worth it". But too bad for it, because you know better. It gets weaker, and you get stronger. You are in control—and you never have to give that up again.
Hang in there, Justfor1.