Reading this thread brought me to tears. I've been married to my AH for 13 years now, and I'm in the process of moving out. It's been very slow going, I work 7pm-7am, and have no friends/family to help. Also the A is home 24/7 which is a huge distraction and drains any energy I have left.
I don't want to do this, but I have to detach from his disease and I can't do that living in the same house. I still love him immensely. This is the hardest thing I've had to do, a thousand times harder than finishing RN school with 3 kids and an AH. I still love him, I know he loves me, and our marriage has not been irreparably broken by violence or affairs which makes it all the more difficult to walk away. I just can't sit by and watch him kill himself with alcohol, it's making me insane.
We were briefly separated last year, and it was during the grieving process that I blew off most of my friends. The ones I lost never liked my husband, and were way too open with their celebratory reactions to my separation. I was devastated, the last thing I wanted to hear was "Oh praise the Lord" and such. It really just made things worse and I grew resentful of those people. Just like when I was grieving the loss of my mother, I was so tired of hearing "Oh, she's in a better place". Yes, I know this. I'm still sad. I know they mean well but it doesn't help. I also felt very alone in my grieving.
I still hope and pray that one day he'll get sober and work the program and we can have the life we dreamt of. For so so long, we couldn't afford it. Now we can but his disease is in the way. It's heartbreaking. At the same time I do know that it may very well not by in God's plan for me and I have to accept that. This is truly a one day at a time thing.