Oh boy... our addicts and the things they do to us/talk us into doing.
He's pretty much already got his claws into you if youre talking to him again,dont know how you ended up back in a relationship with him, and dont know how you ended up with a plane ticket to see him.
He manipulated you into all of this one way or another, and now you are starting to panic because you stopped to look at the whole scenario and don't realize how it got this far already..
I know that urge to run,slam the door, and not look back.. I have yet to successfully run away and not come back.
It's hard to accomplish, especially when you do have genuine love for the person.
I recommend that if you DO in fact end up going on this trip, that you do not let yourself fall back to where you were.
Attend at least one meeting while you are away from home, and don't let him talk you out of that.
Make it very clear to him that it is a part of YOUR recovery and that is something you will not sacrifice for him.
This trip could be the last final eye opener you need to put it all behind you, so I'm not going to advise you to cancel the trip..
It could be good or bad for you, but either way it will be a new lesson learned..
So, I say go.. but put your needs and best interests before EVERYTHING and EVERYONE else.
You do not have to go see him and be a care taker, or put up with any of his addict BS.
Let's say you go there and it wasn't what you expected or it's worse than you expected.. leave.
It's really that simple. Leave and go enjoy your time away from home. Turn it into your own personal get away and really enoy it.
Try not to occupy your mind or all of your time with thoughts of him.
Whatever you decide I support you, and I hope all turns out well.
I'll be thinking of you, and please do keep us informed on your decisions and whatever happens.
((hugs))