Alot of our stories are the same, the twenty years, the thing about no one to bring back those good memories with etc. only mine died. I started feeling the grief a few months before he died as I knew it was only a matter of time...I don't know how you do it putting it off, I am coming up on one year without him and have cried a river. I'm wondering when I can shut it off and move on now..I'm glad I didn't delay (or couldn't delay). I know what you mean about being busy. I keep as busy as can be too. I hope he gets sober some day for his children so they don't have to see him die of his disease like our boys did. that was too much, really too much. I hope you can be happy again as you well deserve to be and am glad there is this place for us to come together to talk about all this stuff...makes it easier somehow. m