Sissy,
That was exactly what happened. Keep thinking that one over and over again Sea, not how it felt to do the drunken things. Those are called mental rehearsals. You are rehearsing bad things and not rehearsing the good things. Think about the fact you were there to witness and comfort and cry all in a short time.
Your life sober makes possible your taking care "OF" another. It also makes it possible for you to take care "FROM" yourself.
Our own lives are like that, they happen all in a short time too. Shame to miss any more of it, no?