Hey Seaside,
You're not alone. When I had to put my cat down 2 months ago the first thing I did when I left the animal hospital was go out and buy booze and got stupid drunk.
I woke up the next day and the pain "refreshed" - as if I had just left the hospital and had to go through it all again.
I drank quite a lot after that for about two weeks.
I didn't want to feel the sadness. The emptiness. The grief. So the first thing I thought of was alcohol and how it would "help".
Well, the joke was totally on me.